The secrets that we keep
by smokin'upoutside
Summary: Paul discovers that some things cant be secrets for long, no matter how hard you try. steph/hhh. please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

**disclaimer: i own nothing.**

Okay, i posted this on MLF as part of a fanfic competition. :]

its totally AU and i hope you like it. :]

Please Read and Review.

Its much appreciated. :D

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"_Paul please, we've been through hell and back to get here. Please don't make us go there again!"_

"_Im not. You are. You keep bringing up my past and convincing yourself that im off doing god knows what with whoever and im not Steph! Im not. Just trust me will you?"_

"_I do trust you its just, I never see you anymore, you always go home straight after shows, why? the only time I see you is when we're at work and that's crap if you and I are in this for good."_

"_Steph, just…I dunno."_

"_How did we get here? We've been great for the last few months. What happened?"_

"_I dunno. Life I guess…."_

"_Life sucks."_

"_Tell me about it."_

"_The only reason we argue is because you don't trust me…"_

"_Paul, I do trust you its just.."_

"_Steph, if you trusted me you wouldn't need a 'its just..' you would trust me and that's that."_

"_Maybe we should forget this altogether then! Save everyone the hassle!"_

"_Maybe we should…" _

________________________________

_No you shouldn't, you idiot how could you let him leave like that! Urgh. _

Your argue with yourself over and over again which gets you nowhere. You have been a couple for almost 5 months now and things were going great have been since the beginning but little things just kept picking at your brain, like; why he goes home after most shows, why, when he's on the phone he hangs up when you walk in, just little things you've noticed.

You know he's not cheating, or you hope to god he's not. He's not that kind of guy. Yeah, he's had a past, everyone has but there's something about him has changed since you began dating. He's more secretive and private, he's always been a pretty private guy but now its different. But you need to know what's going on, your not ready to through this all away for some trust issues. You can work on this, you cant break up, your in too deep.

Tapping your hands impatiently on the steering wheel, as the traffic lights stick to being red, agitates you a little bit more than you already are. The rain batters off the windscreen as if someone if attacking your car with a stick. You fiddle with the radio because your hating the current song choice from that station, and that one, and that one….you give up and shut the radio off just as the lights turn green.

Driving through New Hampshire, you try and get your bearings, its been a while since were in his house and you try to remember which way to go because getting lost, right now, is not your main aim. Your main aim at this point is to apologise and tell the love of your life how much he means to you and that you're a silly cow and you do trust him and want this to work.

You know your on the right road now, driving through the wooded area that leads towards his house, you finally arrive and recognise hummer parked outside, with another car next to it, one you've never seen before.

The air is slowly getting tighter in your throat and you feel the oxygen slipping away, this isn't happening, maybe he just bought a new car, its not another woman, it cant be. You begin to think it is, you have only been together a short time, its possible, everything is beginning to make sense, you feel the tears pricking your eyes like needles and hastily wipe them before they fall. You hate that you jump to conclusions, you have done for years. Part of you wants to blame your father, you saw how upset your mother was when she found out he had strayed and you began to think all men were the same. When our parents relationship goes wrong, every relationship you venture into is doomed from the beginning with you, you always see the negative side when it comes to love and you just need one guy to show you that they aren't all the same.

Its been ten minutes and your still sitting in the front seat of your car, you don't want to face the person inside the house, not if he's doing what you think he is.

'_C'mon Steph, stop being to freaking ridiculous' you try to convince yourself there is nothing going on but its not working, the only way to find out is to go in…._

The rain has now reduced itself to a little shower and you pull your coat tighter to shield yourself from the wet. You look back at the pure black sky, your emotions are mirroring the weather right now as you slowly raise your hand and knock on the dark, hardwood door. You hear nothing and then footsteps coming towards the door, at the same time you swear to yourself you just heard a crash of thunder in the distance.

You hear the door unlock and watch as it is swung back o its open state. Everything just happened about 20 seconds slower than it should have done. Your eyes widen at the person standing in front of you.

"Stephanie…?"

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	2. Chapter 2

disclaimer: i own nothing. shames. :/

Chapter 2.

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"Paul..?"

"Stephanie, darling, come on inside, get out of this weather." he opened the door wider and stepped back to let you inside.

"So what are you doing here?" he asks. You have a strange feeling that your still looking in shock but you cant tell.

"I just came to see Paul, we had an argument earlier…."

"Ah, he didn't seem a bit off when we asked how you are, Pat and I just dropped by to see how things are getting on."

"Yeah, I just wondered, have you got a new car?" You think back to the car outside, you don't recognise it as theirs, your positive they had a silver one, this was defiantly dark.

"Oh no, it's a lease, Pat went and crashed the other one." he said nonchalantly as he led you through to the kitchen.

"Is she okay?"

As you enter the kitchen you are automatically pulled into a tight embrace. "Stephanie, Dear! How are you? its been a while."

"Im good thanks. You?"

"Oh im fine thank you. Had a little bump in the car as Paul as probably told you about."

"Yeah, I was wondering about your car. I didn't know who was here when I pulled up."

"Oh I had little bump in the town and…" Pat went on until she was interrupted.

"Little bump?! The whole front end of the car has to be replaced."

"Yes well at least im okay right?"

"Yeah, suppose."

You watch the interaction between Paul's parents. You breathe a sigh of relief as you realise that Paul isn't cheating on you. Although it makes you wonder a little more about his actions, but for now you just sit and converse with his parents about work and life in general.

You watch the two of them, they argue a lot, but the love is still there. You can see it in their eyes, you crave that same thing, that love they share, the undying, I-love-you-even-if-you-crash-my-car, scream from the rooftops kinda love that you see in movies. Part of you still believes in Prince charming and the white horse, Disney fairytale sort of love and you want that with Paul, if he would just stop being so freaking distant!

You hear movement from the stairs, _here he comes. _You tense a little, wondering what his reaction of you driving all the way to New Hampshire just to see him after you've had an argument will be. Will he be happy? Surely a little, if he liked you at all he'd be a little bit happy. Your mind runs at warp speed as you think more about his reaction, if he's angry, or annoyed and doesn't even want to talk to you or maybe you could quickly sneak out the front door, if he's upstairs that gives you time too…

"Steph?"

Too late, he's seen you, sitting in his kitchen, with your parents, at his table, a very nice table actually, you begin to think if you stare at it hard enough you'll either explode and disappear, like he's never seen you or it'll do nothing, pretty much like it is just now, its doing nothing, its a table, what were you expecting it to do in the first place, dance?! now you look like an idiot that cant stop staring at a table…

"Hey…"

"I think this is our sign that we should haul ass before the faecal matter hit's the rotating air device, if you know what im saying." nodding towards his wife, Paul Sr. stands up and you cant help but laugh at his corny attempt _not _to swear.

"Paul, please. Behave…"

"Well Pat…im just saying….this could get a little"

"Dad! Shut up."

You stare at Paul, trying to read his reaction, you pray to god that he isn't angry, shocked maybe, but not angry, you cant deal with angry right now.

"Okay son, keep your hair on…we're off now. We'll call tomorrow."

"Sounds good. I'll talk to you then."

You watch the family say their goodbyes as his parents head out the door to their car. You do look-at-me-im-nervous thing of tapping your fingernails on the table, it annoys you at the best of times but when you do it, it doesn't seem to bother you that much.

"I thought you hated that…"

He's back, you look up at him and give him a smile, he knows you. He can read you like a book, which is surprising because your not the easiest person to read.

"Yeah…a little." you stop tapping your fingers and place your hands on you knees, you feel like a little kid who's just been sent to the principals office for doing something wrong.

"So…what brings you out here? In the middle of the night, during a storm…" Paul leans back awaiting your answer. He gives you a smile, a smile that shows you he isn't angry, you breathe yet another sigh of relief.

"Honestly?…You."

"Miss McMahon please, your making me blush."

You laugh, but sit in the same position. "I just want to know whats going on, I thought if I came here…"

"Steph, its nothing…really."

"That doesn't help me…"

"I don't know what your looking for." He brings his arms forward and crosses them on the edge of the table, looking down he begins to explain that he doesn't know what your wanting and he knows what you type want from a relationship etc and this is when you really feel the need to interrupt.

"Im sorry…what?"

"What?" he looks up at you again.

"My type? What the hell do you mean _'my type'?_" you quieten down, you just realise you raised you voice a little too high there.

"C'mon Steph, you know, women…they wants marriage and kids and the whole picket fence deal, I cant do that…its not me."

"Im not asking for that. Im asking for _you_. Even if you are an asshole and have major commitment issues."

"I have a reason for that…"

"Tell me…"

Okay, a guy has just admitted to having commitment issues, even the most obvious issues gods don't admit too that. Your head starts spinning and you begin to wonder why the hell you always seem to go for the messed up guys. Another crash of thunder hits and this time the lightening follows. In avoidance of answering your question Paul stands up and backs away from the table and walking out of the room, there's no way your letting him get away with this one, you get up and follow him through to his spacious living room.

"Paul…"

"Im gonna put the car in the garage, where's your keys?"

"Why?"

"Do you want your's in to?"

"Whats the point if im gonna leave in half an hour anyway…?"

You walk up to him and he takes your keys from your pocket. "I don't care if I am an asshole, im not letting you drive in a thunder storm."

He takes your car keys without breaking eye contact and you feel that spark between you again…or was that lightening?

Your left standing in the hallway as he rushes outside and reverses your Mercedes into the garage followed by his hummer. A little voice breaks your thoughts…

"Daddy?!"

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_comments please?  
much appreciated. :D_

**merci beaucoup. (Y)**


	3. Chapter 3

**disclaimer: i own nothing. :[**

thanks everyone for reading! :]

READ&REVIEW PLEASE.

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You feel a rush of cold run through your body as you slowly turn towards the stairs. You take a double glance, all you can see are two little hands gripping the gate rail, how come you never noticed that gate before…?

Your eyes finally adjust and you see pink pyjamas, a soft green blanket and some sort of teddy bear, the little girl is gripping it close to her chest making you unable to see what animal it is. You take a step closer and hear two words you never thought you'd hear…

"Where's daddy?" the little girl stares at you, you suddenly realise the crashing thunder that is making its way towards the house. This cant be Paul's secret…he has a child? A _daughter?_

You think of a reply and try to give one, but you cant seem to let any sound of out your mouth. You turn towards the door again and realise Paul has seen your state of shock as he is asking you what's wrong but before you can answer the little girl calls for _'Daddy'_ again. You notice Paul's eyes widen as he mouths the words 'Im so sorry' to you before heading up the stairs to the top of the gate.

You watch closely as the little girl who cant be any older than three steps back slightly, clutching the animal and her blanket close to her chest and slightly over her mouth, her dark brunette bangs covering her eyes as she looks down to the ground. Once through the gate you see Paul lift her up high and hold her close to his chest carrying her back to her room.

You finally pick your jaw off the floor and look around the room and then it hits you. He has a child. Paul is a father, that is why he's been so distant. You pace back and forth for god knows how long before you hear footsteps getting closer, you turn your head, still pacing and watch him rejoin you in the living room.

"You have a child?"

"Steph…"

"You…have a child?"

You hear him sigh, he's not ready for this fight. "Yes."

"And you didn't tell me?".

"No, nobody…." you cut him off.

"You didn't tell me…"

"Steph…"

You don't know how to feel, does he not trust you, does he think you would run fifty miles in the other direction? You cant understand and the tears begin to prick at your eyes, you try so hard not to let them fall.

"Why?" you look him dead in the eyes

"Because nobody knows…" He replies, his voice barely above a whisper. You notice his shoulders fall, a sign of surrender on a fight, your eyes follow him as he walks and falls backwards onto the plush, deep red sofa.

You feel your heart being slapped as you watch him run his hand through his hair, you can tell he is expecting you to grab your keys and run out the door and never talk to him again. But you don't. you grab _his_ keys and walk to his door, put the key in the lock and turn it until you hear the click. He looks back and sees you facing the door with your hand on the handle as you turn to look at him. You slowly walk towards the sofa and instead of sitting down, you kneel in front of him and take a hold of his left hand between both of yours. He leans forward, his eyes burning holes into the carpeted floor.

"Her name is Macyn, Macyn Amy Levesque. She just gets called Maci though, she's three and has my eyes and personality…she loves Disney movies, bedtime stories and painting, she hates small dogs, when its too hot outside and broccoli. She's the reason im distant and she's the reason I come home every night. She's the most important person in my life and I wont do anything that will jeopardise her happiness."

You look into his eyes, you've never seen him this serious.

"And being with me will make her unhappy…?"

He smiles. "Its not you, trust me. She'll love you. You have nice hair, she loves anyone that has nice hair."

You laugh and hold his hand a little tighter. "Its if this doesn't work out…" You feel a pang in your heart again, why does he keep thinking this wont last?

"I cant have her get attached to you and then have us break up. Its not fair."

"Paul, who says we're going to break up?"

"No-one but if we…"

"Paul…" You look up and him and tug his hand closer to you. "Im in this forever, I have no plans to go anywhere, not without you."

"I know."

"Then why are you convinced im going to?"

"Because her mother did."

You see a flash of emotion cross his face, but which emotion you cant tell. It was like a mix of hate and sadness.

"She left the day after giving birth."

You have a hunch that this may be a touchy subject and don't force it, you sit up beside him on the sofa, still holding his hands.

"You don't have to tell me…"

"Yes I do, you will understand everything then."

"Okay." you whisper.

"I didn't even know she was pregnant…I met her in a bar back when I broke up with Joanie and just wanted to get wrecked. She was there. And I know that's a horrible thing to say but she was just there. She was a junkie as well, I could tell from her eyes, she looked high."

He sighs again before continuing, you lean in a little closer until your leg is touching his.

"Anyway, I get a call 7 months later, she had just given birth to my daughter. So I jumped in the car and drove to the city hospital, I didn't know what else to do. First thing I did was go to see Maci in the nursery and she wasn't there. She was in NICU, in a incubator type thing, with all these wires and tubes going in and out of her, she was tiny, she could fit in he palm of my hand."

He leans forward, breaking his hands from your soft grip and clutches them in front of him, you rest a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"She had been using during her whole pregnancy and Macyn was born addicted to smack." You let your head fall and you feel his whole body tense under your touch. You cant help but feel the tears welling again at the thought of a tiny baby suffering.

"You should've seen her, she kept shaking and couldn't breathe, her lungs were shot Steph." You hear his voice crack as the emotion takes over. "She died three times in one day, three times. All because that stupid bitch couldn't go nine months without a kick!"

You've never seen him this angry, yeah, you've seen him more vocal and violent but this is anger and pain and suffering all rolled into one as he remembers the sight of his newborn daughter fighting for her life.

"Her _mother_ left the day after having her. I crashed at a motel that night and went back in the morning to find she'd discharged herself and left Macyn behind, claiming in a letter that she couldn't cope with a child and left me with her, if I wanted, she said that I could give her up if I didn't want the responsibility but I couldn't. I thought about it over and over again. But I'd take one look at her and see her struggling to survive with no-one or nothing to fight for and I vowed that I'd be there for her, through everything, she was my baby girl and I wasn't going to let her down."

"Why does nobody know about her?"

"I just didn't tell anyone…she was born when I was out from wrestling because I torn everything in my shoulder." You remember that match, it was him and Jericho. "And I came back and just never mentioned her. I didn't want everyone knowing about her, she was my little secret, my perfect, innocent little baby girl. Shawn knows about her though, Amy and Lilian as well. Amy kinda forced it outta me because I wouldn't go out with them one night back when Macyn was teething, I couldn't leave her and I just kinda blurted it. Don't be mad at them for not telling you, I know Amy is your best friend but I begged her not to tell anyone."

"Its okay. I get it."

You both sit in silence for a while just sitting with each other, you still cant believe he went through all of this with barely anyone knowing. You take his hand again and rest it on your lap, you don't want to say what your about to but you feel it has to be said, he has to make a choice.

"If you want me to go I will. I'll walk out the door and we can just be friends like before, and I wont tell anyone about Macyn, don't worry."

You feel his hand move over your leg and towards you hip as he turns slightly to face you, his fingers dancing along your hip and your breath hitches a little in your throat as he whispers in your ear.

"I don't want you to go anywhere."

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_comments?_

**merci beaucoup (Y)**


	4. Chapter 4

**disclaimer: i own nothing. :/ shames.**

thanks for reading. :]

this is the last chapter: BUT, ive wrote an epilogue for this as well.  
so if people like this then i'll post the end. :]

**READ & REVIEW PLEASE.  
thanks.  
**_  


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_

You stand at the sink, watching her, she's fiddling with the end of your shirt that she picked up and threw on this morning.

She stayed.

You didn't think she would, you thought she would flip out and claim to not be able to handle a child, but she didn't, she stayed. You talked the whole night, the both of you, just talking. The future, its not something you've spoke about for a long time, you just take each day as it comes and hope for the best but now, with Stephanie, you talk about the future. You feel a smile spread across your face.

"Im glad you stayed." You place a mug of steaming coffee in front of her and she graciously accepts.

"Hmm, me too." She sips the burning coffee and places the mug back on the table gently, she does the 'im nervous' thing of tapping her finger nails on the table and you cant help but stifle a laugh.

"What?" she looks up at you.

"What are you nervous about now?"

She looks to the ground and then back up at you. "What if she hates me?"

"She wont, she's three, she's incapable of hate, she doesn't know the meaning of the word."

"You said last night she hates small dogs! And broccoli and the heat! What if she hates me?" You reach out and take her hands in yours/

"She wont hate you, she'll love you, your kind and sweet, caring, funny, smart and you have nice hair."

"She likes the hair?"

"She loves the hair, she thinks its fascinating. If it looks good, she likes it."

"Okay…" She takes a deep breathe and sighs. "It feels like meeting your parents all over again."

"Well, its not, its my daughter." You say with a smile "And she'll love you and everything will go swimmingly"

This time its her who laughs "Swimmingly?" She gives you that _what-the-hell_ look

"I don't know, it's a funny word, and it brought a smile to your face so it must be a good word."

"Whatever, I should really get changed…"

"Nah, your fine as your are." You get up out your seat and kiss the top of her head.

"Im wearing your shirt…_just_ your shirt, and im about to meet your three year old daughter for the first time…"

"Well, you look hot in my shirt and yes, your meeting my daughter not my mother, which would be a different story entirely. But im gonna go shower first before I wake her so you could just jump in after me if you'd like?"

"Or with you?…" you look back and cant help but feel more attracted to her than you've ever been before.

"Miss McMahon, you dirty thing." You say as you take her hand and lead her upstairs.

"Oh babe, you have _no_ idea."

________________________

"Okay im nervous again…" You pace back and forth, your hands stuffed in your jeans pockets, at this moment in time you wonder why pockets on women's jeans are so tiny!?

"Don't be…it'll be fine. I love you." His arms wrap around your waist and kisses your lips softly. Your heart bangs even harder against your chest…

"You love me…?"

"Yep…"

"Seriously."

"Steph, shut up. I love you." You both smile big and kiss again before he brakes it up.

"Okay, you ready?"

"Hmm…how about we leave her up there?"

"Steph, its almost nine. I cant let her sleep any later." He chuckles as you fidget nervously, its just a child, a three year old, what can be so bad.

"Okay, so I just sit here?"

"Yep, just here. Please stop worrying, it'll all be fine" He walks towards the Kitchen door and you reach out and grab his hand and pull him back to you, pulling his lips towards yours in a chaste kiss.

"I Love you." He smiles and mouths it back before leaving to wake up Macyn.

_____________________________

You sit at the table, twiddling your fingers. You question yourself and your state of nervousness. But you don't have time to think of a reasonable answer. Paul is now on the stairs, with Macyn, you can hear her little voice, its not as scared as it was last night.

"But daddy, I don't….Hi."

She's seen you.

"Hey Macyn."

Paul picks her up, sitting her on her booster seat on the kitchen chair. "Maci, this is Stephanie."

"Hi." She says again.

"How are you?" You ask her.

"Okay, tired though but daddy says I haved to wake up."

"Aww."

"Yeah. Its not fair, Daddy sleeps a lot. On the couch, when im trying to watch Dora. Sometimes he snores and I cant hear it!" You both laugh, you can imagine Paul laying flat out on the sofa while Macyn is engrossed in the TV.

"Okay, that's enough making fun of Daddy. Eat your cheerio's before they go yucky."

"But making fun of you is fun." Maci replies smiling widely with a mouthful of cheerio's.

You cant help but laugh. "She's right Paul." You tell him after he looks at you for support.

"See, Stephanie agrees."

"Where did you learn the word _agrees_?"

"Gramma."

Paul sits beside you and gently takes a hold of your hand under the table. He runs his thumb over your knuckles in a comforting way and you cant help but smile broadly.

"Daddy, can we do something today?" Maci asks kicking her little legs under the table.

"Sure, what do you want to do?"

"Swings! We not been in ages!"

"The park it is. If you eat up and you have a bath and get some clothes on and we'll go okay?"

"Kay! Stephanie, you coming?"

You look up and glance between Macyn and Paul. "Errm, sure."

"Yey!"

_____________________________

"Higher daddy!" Maci squealed.

"Yeah, higher daddy!" Stephanie said as she sat, slowly swinging herself.

"Oh I'll give you higher…Maci, I'll be back."

You walk towards Steph with a purpose. "Paul…no."

"C'mon on then Steph." You grab the sides of her swings and she screams and grips the chains until her knuckles turn white.

"Paul! Stop it!" You continue to push her until her swing almost swings right over the bar and she keeps screaming at you to stop while Maci squeals from her swing, clapping her hands and cheering you on.

You grab the sides of her swing and it comes to a complete halt. She quickly jumps off and slaps you on the shoulder before walking towards Maci in her swing.

"Sorry Stephanie." You give her a small pout and wrap your arms around her, before you can do anything Maci squeals.

"Daddy, I want out." You walk behind her and lift her gently out of the swing before she hits you and runs away.

"Your it Daddy!"

"No im not."

"Yes you are, she tagged you." Stephanie backs away, You run after her but her speed impresses you as she runs up the hill to the bench at the top.

"Stephanie! Daddy gonna get me!" Maci screams as she runs towards Steph. You see Steph running down the hill and picking her up before taking her back up and sitting her on the bench. You walk up to the sight before you and can't believe your luck.

This is exactly how you want your life to pan out, and its happening.

"Daddy, Stephanie has nice hair, doesn't she?" You through Stephanie a sly smirk before replying.

"Yeah, Yeah she does."

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_thank you everyone for reading! :D_

**merci beaucoup. (Y)**


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